God, this week has been utter and complete hell. First of all, I totally fucked everything up. Now me and Kyle don't even speak to each other. And I hate to admit it, but I miss him. He led me on, plain and simple, so I don't think things will ever be the same again. Why, why, why???? Am I doomed to be hurt by guys? I used to think he was nice and everything, even though all my friends warned me he was an asshole and a lying bastard at that, but I didn't believe them. Now everything I see reminds me of him. I can't listen to the song "Fallin" without nearly crying. I fucking hate this, if there is a higher power out there, can't you just make everything like it was last Friday? Please? I'm asking nicely. Really. I've had a ton of homework and it's all too much to deal with right now. I know I'm blowing everything out of proportion, but someday I will look back at this and laugh. I just know it, it happens with everything. At least I've had a few days to get a grip on myself, on Wednesday I felt so cold and empty and sad. Now I'm almost back to normal, which is a very good thing indeed. I've had the song Fade in my head this whole week, I think they describe what I feel right now pretty well:
I try to breathe Memories overtaking me I try to face them but the thought is too Much to conceive
I only know that I can change Everything else just stays the same So now I step out of the darkness That my life became 'cause
I just needed someone to talk to You were just too busy with yourself You were never there for me to Express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made
So where were you When all this I was going through You never took the time to ask me Just what you could do
Well, I'm off to the mall tonight, so we'll see if I post anything.